Friday – some kid decided to use the pool as a toilet. Swimming plan fell through.

Sat/Sun – weekend away in Northern Ireland

December is a festive month. It was my birthday month and therefore loads of catching up with friends, Xmas meals and of course, NYE. To sum it up, it was pretty much, eat, drink, and chillaxed. Needless to day, the price to pay for all the chillaxing was a few extra inches on my thighs, waist, arms etc.

All the extra inches were apparent in January. It was when I told myself, enough was enough. I decided to join a gym. I went to see LA Fitness and Virgin Active, but didn’t like both of them. In addition, the prices were not attractive at all and the fact that monthly prices without contracts were way too expensive (LA Fitness quoted £50 joining fee + £70 monthly fee per month!!!)

I went on to do my research and I vaguely remember from my runs from work to home, there was a leisure centre near where I live. I looked it up and decided to visit the centre. I fell in love with it. There is a 30m swimming pool, a massive gym, classes and other facilities. It was much cheaper than other gyms too. Of course, the centre isn’t as new as other gyms, but I was satisfied at its state.

So, I shall try to be enthusiastic about working out by keeping a diary about my work out session.

Friday – gym induction, 10 mins cardio, 40 mins weight

Sat – 1 hour body combat

Sun – rest (whole body ached so badly!!)

Mon – 20 mins x-training, aqua workout (Black listed)

Tues – 45-50 mins swim

Think I’ll try out Pilates today

28 Aug finsbury park run @ finsbury park. 5km 37 mins 1 sec

5 Sept Adidas women’s challenge @ Hyde park. 5km 31 mins 42 secs

It’s almost end if July. Seven months into 2010.

This year marks a significant milestone for me and I think it’s post worthy.

January marked my promotion with a 25% payrise.

February marked a change in my relationship status after 3.5 years. Instead of having a rock on my ring finger, I became single. I finally coughed up the courage to break up.

March and April were pretty uneventful. I was busy studying for exams.

May was very significant. I sat for the professional exams for the second time. He moved out of the flat we rented together, without telling me. It was hard but I persevered. I am very proud of myself and I give myself credit for not being a coward.

June flew by without me realising.

July is another highlight of the year. Whilst the saga of the ex continue, I didn’t let it get into me. I was stressed at times but I controlled my rage well. Another highlight is I am finally a hold a professional qualification in the area I work in. Kudos to me. Although it took me two attempts, I am still extremely proud of myself. Of course, this would never be possible without the support of my friends and family

Roll on December!

the ex and I bought a few things together when we lived in, which included 42″ TV, Wii console, countless games, a Wii Fit and a cabinet, to name a few.

When he moved out, he took the Wii etc with him, but he didn’t take the TV (although he admitted he wanted to) because it was too big – D’oh. he was the one who came up with the stupid-est idea of buying a big ass TV which now serves as the biggest white elephant in the flat.

Initially he said we would buy the TV based on market value. Then he changed his mind and said he wanted to sell it on eBay, which was fine by me as long as he did the dirty job. and then he sent yet another annoying email to say he wanted to buy the TV. Make up your stupid mind, dude!

It took me 2 days to response to his email because I couldn’t bothered to. Also, I was pretty annoyed (to say the least) that he was only willing to pay £125 me for the TV (i.e. the value of the TB is now £250) when we paid close to £700 about 2.5 years ago.. OK OK fine.. that’s probably like 70 years old in human age.

So I emailed him and said £200 and the TV and Wii etc are his. And that nasty guy responded, asking me to remind him that he was the one who won the Wii based on the reverse auction (something stupid like the opposite of ebay). He was indirectly suggesting that I didn’t contribute a single penny to the Wii and games etc and now I wanted to extort more money from him. EXCUSE ME!! (insert profanities, as many as possible)

I am so angry I can’t type now.

And of course, I contributed to the Wii. He would never buy something and let me get away with it – he is the (then) boyfriend who wanted to sublet his flat to me – you get the gist. So I wrote back saying I did.

Guess what his reply was. “probably yes”. Are you freaking kidding me? Seriously! And he said he didn’t think the Wii is now worth £150 and wanted to sell it on ebay and split whatever money he got equally.

I wrote back with the value of the Wii at that time etc, which he responded that he doesn’t care how much the Wii cost and he wants to sell it on ebay, and said “please don’t tell me you don’t trust me on this”.

I AM SO ANGRY IT’S NOT EVEN FUNNY!!!!!

ARGH. RAGE!!!!!!!

When I went on a course in November last year, I met a Dutch girl. Fast forward five months later, Dutch girl came to London on a 3 month secondment. Dutch girl and I became good friends. We went out on an almost weekly basis, exploring different restaurants, picnic in the park etc. We met up for lunch at least threee times a week. About eight weeks later, I started to feel things were getting a bit intense. I felt we were too close and I needed to back off. I looked for excuses and avoided going to lunch with her on certain days. I made up excuses so I could spend time with another friend and had a quiet Sunday. I felt, the closer we were physically, the further we grew apart emotionally. I’m sure it’s me.

Case number two. I have a good friend I know since uni. We’ve been friends since 2005. We’ve always kept in touch and became even closer since I became single. I enjoyed our girly times together. A couple of weekends ago, we went to Birmingham together. I found myself drifting away from her after we got back to London…

It really makes me wonder if it’s because I’m increasingly protective of my me time… or I just can’t take intensity anymore?

food for thought.

I went on a 4 day residential course few weeks ago. The weekend prior to the course, he acted in a rather weird manner. First he said he was going on a holiday in about 4 – 5 days but hadn’t found any destinations yet. He painted a really nice picture of his desired holiday and with a friend. He also asked for the contact number of the mover we used when we moved over to this flat. His excuse was his friend wants to move house. The night before I went on a course, he wanted to spend half an hour with me and was saying really weird things like he would miss me. I ignored that and that was pretty much how the conversation went.

On the day the course ended, I came back to the flat, thinking I might have the flat all to myself because he would be on a holiday. That was probably the biggest surprise of the day or even month- a set of keys stuck under the door and the shoerack gone. I left my suitcase outside the flat, ran into the flat and found that his room was empty and he left a letter on the table for me.

Short to the long, he moved out whilst I was on the course. He found it hard to live with me because I was shunning him (D’oh). I don’t know what was going through his mind at the time he wrote the letter but to me, he was trying to justify himself in the past years and what a good boyfriend he was and that his working hours was for our future. (what a load of rubbish). I can write a bible to tell him that he wrote 4 pages worth of rubbish. He also printed 3 pages worth of our photos together. What’s the point, dude?

After I calmed down, I called him. He refused to pay his share of the rent for the next 2 months. He had left me with all the bills to pay. He had taken the Wii away, along with all my DVDs etc. He still owes me over a grand and our investments together. He said he would pay back the debt in instalment or in lump sum (together with my investments). The lump sum would be an obvious choice but he had asked me to wait until August when he gets his bonus. At that point in time I did say yes I would wait. But now, after thinking through what he’d done, I will just say I want my money right now. I’m not joking when I tell you 75% of my pay goes to rent and bills. That excludes groceries and travel and other allowance. I have never watched my spending so tightly.

Anyway, I was traumatised and in shock for 2 days. Luckily for me, I had booked a trip to Eastbourne to visit a friend I haven’t met in 8 years. The timing couldn’t have been more perfect. I had so much time to think and recuperate from all the shock.

That bastard (pardon for the lack of words) also asked to meet up because he thinks we deserve to. What a joke. He sent an email but I didn’t reply. That email was mainly him making his point when I told him over the phone that I am a happier person since break up. There was a card from him few days ago asking me to meet up again. Seriously, dude, a meet up? A punch in his face sounds more like it.

I’d be lying if I say I’m over this. I am over him but I can never, ever, for the rest of my life, forget and forgive him for what he’s done to me. He’s left such a bitter taste in my mouth after what he’s done to me. What he’s done has put him, and possibly the whole male population, to shame. I still get angry when I think about what he’s done. I still curse and blame him when I think about the state of my bank account. I am only human after all.

But if you were to ask me how life is after the relationship, I can honestly tell you, it’s GREAT. NEVER BEEN BETTER. I have found my confidence. I have a glow on my face everyday. I have rekindled my friendship with the girls. I am in control of MY life and never have to worry about somebody’s pants and clothes and what to eat and his fear of flying. I will never ever have to face his uncivilised brother and his allegedly crazy sister.

Life is great and I think it’s worth celebrating.

I didn’t tell her about my exes after that.

Until I met K. I was over 21. I had just finished my MSc and I got together with him. Within a week, I told Mum. I thought she’d be thrilled but no. She sounded calm but unhappy on the phone. Since then, I hardly told her about K. In our 3.5 years of relationship, K was hardly mentioned in our weekly telephone conversations. When she asked me how are things, I gave her the same answer, over and over again – “things are OK”. Sometimes, she’d ask, “what do you mean by OK?” and I’d say “Ok means OK-lah. No arguments, nothing!”

So I turned 26 few months ago. I will be 27 in a few months. A number of my schoolmates got married in the last couple of years or so. Some have children. Some are engaged. Some are in a long term relationship. What about me? Newly Single. HAH

It never occured to me that Mum will ask me the million dollar question – When am I going to have a grandson? HAH! Did you see that coming from a mother who cried and created dramas after dramas when her daughter told her she had a boyfriend when she was 18? I bet you not!
We were talking about my 2 year old cousin whom my Mum absolutely adores. He’s the cutest baby in the world (I’ll change my mind when I have my own kid, but for now, Theo’s the cutest). He’s smart. He’s good looking. He’s to die for. I’m not lying. I have never met a person who doesn’t say Theo’s a cute boy. Everybody goes ooh and ahh over his photos. Anyway… Mum just threw me that question right after she told me she had spent a day with Theo. I was caught off-guard and just laughed out loud. The truth is, I’m not even sure if I’ll get married!

And so I got bored of books today. I picked up the phone and called Mum. As usual, she was talking about men. My potential boyfriends, to be precise. She said she won’t build a house until I have a boyfriend, because she wants my future husband and I to have a wedding ceremony in the new house. Guess what I told her? If I get married, I’ll elope! LOL

I do want to get married and I do want a better man. But… am I ready to bid farewell to my single life? I am truly enjoying it. I love my freedom. I love doing whatever I want to do. I love not having to “report” to anyone. I love getting tipsy and say things I wouldn’t usually say to people. I know I’ll have to give up these if/when I have a boyfriend. For now, I’m content with my life…

I think I’ll get slightly anxious once I hit 28/29. A fortune teller once told me that I should only get married after 29 if I want a happy marriage. I shall listen to him!

This is a letter to you. I know I’ve severed all ties with you. I stopped talking to you. I blocked you on MSN. I stopped emailing you. But that does not stop me from thinking about you from time to time. I don’t think about you in a romantic way. I think about you because of the way you treated me, how you betrayed me, how you messed up my feelings.

It’s been more than four years and it took me more than four years to realise that I have been hurt quite badly by you. It was that moment when I saw your girlfriend’s (or should I say, fiance’s) photos on Facebook (with that Tiffany’s ring etc) that I realised I never healed from our rather vague “relationship”.

I do not think I can ever forget that feeling when I first saw pictures of you and her as a couple. My brain stopped working. My heart stopped beating. My whole body shut down.

That was the damage you did to me. Could I ever seek restitution? No. Not in a million years.

Of course, I moved on in life. But throughout these years, the same questions linger in my mind. Why did you lie to me? Why did you tell me you love me? Why did you tell me the reason you didn’t want to ask me out was because I was in London and you were back home? Why did you have to be so sweet to me? Why? Why? WHY???? Why were you a hypocrite and got back together with her – the girl you broke up with when she was 14 and you were 15 – and she was in London too!

If I could turn back time, I’d rather we didn’t know each other. I’d rather not have those 5 hour phone calls.

To be honest, throughout the years, I’ve asked myself, repeatedly – would I want to be your girlfriend if I had a chance? The honest answer is No. I swear I do not want you as my boyfriend. But I do not know why I am confused when I found out you’re engaged.

I suppose I wanted an answer from you. An honest and truthful answer…. but I know I will never find out the truth.

I’m not going to be a hypocrite like you to wish you all the happiness in the world and may you have a blessed marriage. By the same token, I will not curse you and your fiance. I’m saying nothing…

regards
…

He’s never did my laundry for me. He would only fold my clothes when he felt like it. But when I returned from my holiday, I found my laundry washed and folded.

He’s never taken out taken out the thrash voluntarily. But this morning, he took it out, even though I didn’t ask him to.

He’s never hoovered the carpet in our 3 years together bar once or twice. His excuse? He’s allergic to dust. So there I was, stupidly doing all the “cleaning the dust” action while he slaved his ass off (allegedly) at work.

To be honest, I can’t remember the last time hepicked up my post without a complain. But whilst I was on holiday, Mr X boyfriend actually went all the way to the post office to pick up my parcel!

I don’t know what is he trying to do here. Friends say he’s trying to win me back. To be frank, I couldnt care less. The things he do do not touch me at all. In fact, it made me realised that I’ve been a donkey for the past 3.5 years!